SMALL HEARTS / MALA SRCA

SMALL HEARTS

I was
cleaning for the English
digging for the Welsh
gardening for Jews
building for Australians
decorating for Germans
painting for Austrians
farming for Italians
serving for Americans
cutting metal for the Irish
selling cheese for the Dutch

I was working with
blacks, whites, Asians
junkies, vegetarians
alcoholics, nationalists
fascists, Muslims
retards, ex-prisoners
weirdoes

I saw
the modern civilisation and its primitivism
the working class – simple and honest
the upper class – posh and cynical
the cities – crowded and chaotic
the factories – noisy and dirty
the building sites – muddy and dusty
the restaurant kitchens – steamy and hot
the employers – greedy as animals
I saw people – big egos, small hearts

MAJHNA SRCA

čistil sem stranišča za Angleže
kopal jarke za Valižane
urejal vrtove za Žide
zidaril za Avstralce
polagal tapete za Nemce
belil stene za Avstrijce
kidal gnoj za Italijane
kelnaril za Američane
rezal železo za Irce
prodajal sir za Nizozemce

delal sem
s črnci, belci, Azijci
džankiji, vegetarijanci
alkoholiki, nacionalisti
fašisti, muslimani
omejenci, bivšimi zaporniki
čudaki

videl sem
moderno civilizacijo in njeno primitivnost
delavski razred – preprost in pošten
višji sloj – fin in ciničen
mesta – zatrpana in kaotična
tovarne – hrupne in umazane
gradbišča – blatna in prašna
kuhinje v restavracijah – soparne in vroče
delodajalce – lakomne kot živali
videl sem ljudi - velik ego majhna srca

A STRANGE SMELL OF FLOWERS

some women smell of flowers
and some flowers smell of human

she was a doctor
eating only veggies and tofu
smelled of potatoes

she was slim and tall
eight years older than me
neatly dressed
straight hair with a hair clip
sharp nose
cold eyes
brown glasses
not much lips

I picked her up at 7 pm
after her shift was over
I waited in front of the hospital
sat in my car listening to the radio
smoking a cigarette

she came out of the building
with some other colleague
she laughed at his cheesy jokes
then she saw me
said goodbye to her doctor friend
waved at him

she sat in the car
and the first thing she said was
»he is so gentle
and nice to me«
I blew up the smoke through my nose

»must you really smoke
in my presence?!«

»good evening« I said
and drove off
at the crossroads I took the left
towards the highway

»when will we start to live more decently?!
I think you should change your profession
there is not much with your art«

I was quiet
counting the lights beside the road

I took the first exit
at the traffic lights I took the left
dropped her
at her parents’
and drove off

she never phoned me back

after two weeks I saw her
at the crossroads
she was sitting in the car smiling at her doctor

I blew the smoke through my nose
took the left
towards the highway

ČUDEN VONJ PO ROŽAH

nekatere ženske dišijo po rožah
in nekatere rože po ljudeh

bila je zdravnica
jedla je samo zelenjavo in tofu
imela je vonj po krompirju

bila je vitka in suha
osem let starejša od mene
okusno oblečena
ravni lasje z zaponko
zašiljen nos
hladne oči
rjava očala
tanke ustnice

prišel sem jo iskat ob sedmih zvečer
ko je končala službo
čakal sem pred bolnico
sedel sem v avtu in poslušal radio
kadil cigareto

prišla je iz bolnice
z nekim kolegom
smejala se je njegovim obrabljenim šalam
potem me je zagledala
rekla svojemu prijatelju dohtarju adijo
mu pomahala

sedla je v avto
in prva stvar, ki jo je rekla, je bilo
»tako nežen
in prijazen je do mene«
puhnil sem dim skozi nos

»a moraš res kaditi,
ko sem jaz zraven?!«

»dober večer« sem rekel
in odpeljal
pri semaforju sem zavil levo
proti avtocesti

»kdaj si bova uredila življenje?!«
mislim, da bi moral poiskati drug poklic
tale tvoja umetnost ni kaj prida«

bil sem tiho
štel sem svetilke ob cesti

zavil sem na prvi izvoz
pri semaforju zavil levo
odložil sem jo
pri starših
in odpeljal

nikoli me ni več poklicala

čez dva tedna sem jo videl
pri semaforju
sedela je v avtu in se smehljala svojemu zdravniku

puhnil sem dim skozi nos
zavil levo
proti avtocesti

A FOREIGNER

around the world
I move again and again
dragging my stories
and memories with me
every time adding new ones
this time I have a nice bed
but I don’t make love on it

sometimes I hear
a husband and wife arguing
sometimes I see
a fat woman cutting her fingernails
an old man smoking
and sometimes we look at each other
without greeting

the city is crazy
dull
and dirty
it fumes with a factory smoke

I am a cleaner
a decorator
a salesman
a labourer
a cook
a driver
a steel cutter
a potato peeler
a stables cleaner
a gardener
a postman
a foreigner with a number

TUJEC

kar naprej in naprej se selim
okrog sveta
in s seboj vlačim
svoje zgodbe in spomine
vsakič dodam nove
tokrat imam udobno posteljo
ampak na njej spim sam

včasih slišim
moža in ženo, ki se prepirata
včasih vidim
debelo žensko, ki si striže nohte
starca, ki kadi
in včasih se spogledava
ne da bi se pozdravila

mesto je noro
mrko
in umazano
kadi se v zrak z dimom tovarn

sem čistilka
pleskar
prodajalec
gradbinec
kuhar
šofer
jeklar
lupilec krompirja
čistilec hlevov
vrtnar
poštar
tujec s številko

GEORGE DAVIES

I met millionaires
who had everything
and they were dull

I met people who lost their parents
wives
children
part of their bodies
and they were happier
than those who had money and health

I met a man
who drove a taxi
talked only when asked
had no children
no relatives
no friends

in his spare time
he cleaned his car
watched TV
ate steaks with chips
and drank beer

he was clean and neat
had an English style haircut
dressed in pastel coloured shirts
wore suede trousers and white socks
walked around in white trainers

he was the happiest man
I’ve ever met

GEORGE DAVIES

spoznal sem milijonarje
ki so imeli vse
in so bili mrki

spoznal sem ljudi, ki so izgubili starše
žene
otroke
dele telesa
in so bili srečnejši
od tistih, ki so imeli denar in bogastvo

spoznal sem moškega
ki je vozil taksi
govoril samo, če je bil vprašan
ni imel otrok
ne sorodnikov
ne prijateljev

v prostem času
je pral avto
gledal televizijo
jedel zrezke in pomfri
in pil pivo

bil je čist in urejen
ostrižen je bil v angleškem stilu
oblačil se je v srajce pastelnih barv
nosil je žametne hlače in bele nogavice
okrog je hodil v belih supergah

bil je najsrečnejši človek,
kar jih poznam

PEOPLE

white people think they are better than black people
western people think they are better than eastern people
heterosexuals think they are better than homosexuals
Christians think they are better than atheist
vegetarians think they are better than carnivores
employers think that they are better than employees
doctors think they are better than patients
artists think they are better than craftsmen
men think they are better than women
humans think that they are better than animals

too fat, too slim
too young, too old
too poor, too lazy or insufficiently educated
lost in their relationships
jobs, houses
minds

afraid to risk
to fight, to lose
to win
afraid of honesty
of each other
of themselves

LJUDJE

belci mislijo, da so boljši od črncev
zahodnjaki mislijo, da so boljši od vzhodnjakov
heteroseksualci mislijo, da so boljši od homoseksualcev
kristjani mislijo, da so boljši od ateistov
vegetarijanci mislijo, da so boljši od mesojedcev
šefi mislijo, da so boljši od delavcev
zdravniki mislijo, da so boljši od pacientov
umetniki mislijo, da so boljši od obrtnikov
moški mislijo, da so boljši od žensk
ljudje mislijo, da so boljši od živali

predebeli, presuhi
premladi, prestari
prerevni, preleni ali premalo izobraženi
izgubljeni v odnosih
službah, hišah
mislih

bojijo se tvegati
se boriti, izgubiti
zmagati
bojijo se odkritosti
drug drugega
sami sebe

TASTELESS AUSTRALIANG BEER

there were many times I worked on building sites
with all sorts of different people
but there were only a few times
I worked with Maoris

they were over two meters high
wide shoulders and all those muscles
working like machines

for lunch we always had take-away
they would have one chicken per head
ate the whole one, including the bones
while eating there was this cracking sound
like walking on branches

I will never forget my first day
when they saw me they all laughed at me
I was three times smaller than them
but at the end of the day I worked more than them
after that they never laughed again
it was the first time in my life felt respected
and it felt good

often in the late afternoons
after a hard day at work
with burned faces
and still with some dust in our hair
we all together went down to Sydney Bay
where the restaurants and pubs are
where the girls were sitting behind bars and tables
and we labour workers liked so much to watch them

we didn’t care that the women
with mediocre faces were dressed without any elegance
just in some brand clothes, trying to look posh

their company broke our concrete into a gentleness
and the tasteless Australian beer cooled our burned skin

PLEHKO AVSTRALSKO PIVO

pogosto sem delal na gradbiščih
z različnimi ljudmi vseh sort
ampak samo nekajkrat
sem delal z Maori

bili so sami dvometraši
široka ramena in vse tiste mišice
delali so kot stroji

za kosilo smo vedno šli po take-away
oni so vzeli enega piščanca na glavo
pospravili so celega, skupaj s kostmi
ko so jedli, je pokalo
kot bi kdo stopal po suhih vejah

nikoli ne bom pozabil svojega prvega dne
ko so me videli, so se mi vsi smejali
bil sem trikrat manjši od njih
ampak na koncu dneva sem naredil več kot oni
potem se niso nikoli več smejali
to je bilo prvič v življenju, da sem čutil, da sem spoštovan
in bil je dober občutek

pogosto smo pozno popoldne
po napornem delovnem dnevu
z ožganimi obrazi
in z še vedno zaprašenimi lasmi
vsi skupaj šli v Sydneyski zaliv
kjer so bari in restavracije
tam so ob baru in za mizami sedela dekleta
in mi fizični delavci smo jih tako radi gledali

ni nam bilo mar, da so bile ženske
z drugorazrednimi obrazi oblečene brez vsake elegance
v oblekah blagovnih znamk, da bi izgledale fine

njihova družba je zlomila naš asfalt v nežnost
in plehko avstralsko pivo je pohladilo našo ožgano kožo

BITE

in Newton Bay
John and I
were mixing concrete
all day

in the evening
we were drinking whiskey
smoking marijuana
driving down the valley
admiring old churches
while listening to AC/DC

we stopped by the sea
at the White Rose pub
outside there were fishermen
smoking pipes
and drinking ale

we entered
ordered two pints of bitter
there were blacks taller than me
wearing fat golden chains around their necks
and girls dressed like barbies proudly showing their flesh

one of those was taking a piss of my accent
which upset me
I took a sip of my beer
I grabbed the golden chain of a black guy
pulled him towards me, looked him straight into his dark eyes:
»tell your girlfriend not to fuck with me otherwise I will kill both of you!«

he looked at my feminine hands and smiled
he could have crashed me at once

I walked into the room next door
and there she was sitting on a sofa
she looked healthy and clean
but I could see it in her eyes
she was dirty inside

the night was cool
the room dark
I was looking for a romance
but all I got was a bite

UGRIZ

v zalivu Newton
sva z Johnom
cel dan
mešala cement

zvečer
sva pila viski
kadila marihuano
se vozila po dolini
občudovala stare cerkve
in poslušala AC/DC

ustavila sva se ob morju
v pubu White Rose
zunaj so bili ribiči
kadili pipe
in pili pivo

vstopila sva
naročila vsak pol litra grenkega
tam so bili črnci, večji od mene
z debelimi zlatimi verigami okoli vratu
in dekleta, oblečena kot Barbike,
ki so ponosno razkazovala svoje meso

ena od njih se je delala norca iz mojega naglasa
kar me je razjezilo
naredil sem požirek
zagrabil črnega tipa za zlato verigo
ga povlekel k sebi
in mu pogledal naravnost v njegove temne oči:
»reci svoji punci,
naj se ne zajebava z mano, ali bom oba ubil«

pogledal je moje ženske roke in se nasmehnil
v trenutku bi me lahko razbil

stopil sem v sosednjo sobo
in bila je tam, sedela je na kavču
videti je bila zdrava in čista
ampak v njenih očeh sem videl
da je znotraj umazana

noč je bila hladna
soba temna
iskal sem romantično avanturo
vse, kar sem dobil, je bil ugriz

LONDON IN APRIL

every day
we talked on the phone
then one sunny day in April
we went to a fancy restaurant
we laughed
we had nice food
wine and cocktails

she took me to her room
she said she loved me
and masturbated in front of me

we had breakfast in the morning
she didn’t like the way I was drinking my tea
neither the way I was dressed
she said that she was scared of my personality
and that I should leave her house immediately

LONDON V APRILU

vsak dan
sva govorila po telefonu
potem sva nekega sončnega dne v aprilu
šla v nobel restavracijo
se smejala
dobro jedla
pila vino in koktejle

peljala me je v svojo sobo
mi rekla, da me ljubi
in pred mano masturbirala

zjutraj sva imela zajtrk
ni ji bilo všeč, kako pijem čaj
ne kako sem oblečen
rekla je, da jo moj značaj straši
in da naj takoj zapustim njeno hišo

FATHER VALERY

on the top of the hill
between two date palms
there is a white church with two bell towers
underneath a cellar
a small room
with a small bed

for nearly a year I lived in that room
eating crackers with margarine
worked in ironworks

every single morning I woke up at 5 am
I walked down to the station
took the train
the metro
the bus
arrived at work at 7:50 am

I finished at 5 pm
took the bus
the metro
the train
arrived back in my room
at 7:50 pm

I was the only one living below the church
as I was different from other
people with all sorts of problems, refugees, homeless
who lived in the shelter house beside the church

Father Valery helped them
as he helped me
he was a 75 year old priest
medium build
white straight hair
pale skin
round face
green eyes

an introvert
always quiet and mysterious
where everything right and all good
is only by the book

to show him my gratitude I went to a Sunday mass
but that was the only time
as I noticed that people in church have more issues
than people who lived in house shelter beside the church

at Easter
there was a huge picnic behind the church yard
but me and another guy from the shelter house didn’t care
we preferred to sit in a local pub
drank beer and laugh at those weirdoes

it was 42 °C and the air was sticky
suddenly Father Valery came in
he was drunk
had too much at the Easter party
he sat down with us

we were looking at the man outside his uniform
he talked as never before
talked about things with a different tone
and his pale skin turned to have more colour

we ordered more rounds of drinks
and before the pub closed
Father Valery invited me to his studio
to continue chatting
he took the last sip of his beer
and looked away
at that moment I knew he wanted me

a few weeks after I left that place
packed my bag
knocked on the Father’s door
he was monotonous as usual
his skin was pale as always
wearing a thick black uniform
with a white collar tightening his neck

I thanked him for his help
and paid him the expenses
it was 42 °C and the air was sticky
I walked down the station
took the train
the metro
the bus

OČE VALERY

na vrhu hriba
med dvema datljevima palmama
stoji bela cerkev z dvema zvonikoma
spodaj klet
majhna soba
z ozko posteljo

v tisti sobi sem živel skoraj leto dni
jedel krekerje z margarino
delal v železarni

vsako jutro znova sem vstajal ob petih
šel peš na železniško
na vlak
podzemno
avtobus
na delo sem prihajal deset do osmih

končal sem ob petih
šel na avtobus
podzemno
vlak
prišel nazaj v svojo sobo
deset do osmih

bil sem edini, ki je živel pod cerkvijo
ker sem bil drugačen od drugih
ljudi s težavami vseh vrst, beguncev, brezdomcev
ki so živeli v zatočišču zraven cerkve

oče Valery jim je pomagal
tako kot meni
bil je duhovnik, star 75 let
srednje postave
z belimi ravnimi lasmi
bledo kožo
okroglim obrazom
zelenimi očmi

introvertiranec
vedno tih in skrivnosten
kjer je vse dobro in prav
samo tako, kot po pravilih mora biti

da bi mu izrazil hvaležnost, sem šel v nedeljo k maši
ampak samo enkrat
kajti opazil sem, da imajo ljudje v cerkvi več problemov
kot ljudje, ki živijo v zatočišču zraven cerkve

za veliko noč
je bil za cerkvenim dvoriščem velik piknik
ampak meni in nekemu fantu iz zavetišča je bilo vseeno
raje sva sedela v bližnjem pubu
pila sva pivo in se smejala tistim čudakom

bilo je 42 °C in v zraku je bila sopara
nenadoma je prišel oče Valery
bil je pijan
pretiraval je na velikonočni zabavi
usedel se je k nama

videla sva moškega, ki je odložil svojo uniformo
govoril je kot nikoli prej
o zadevaj je govoril v drugačnem tonu
in njegova bleda koža je dobila več barve

naročili smo nekaj rund
in preden so pub zaprli
me je oče Valery povabil k sebi v stanovanje
da bi še malo poklepetala
srknil je še zadnji požirek piva
in pogledal stran
v tem trenutku sem vedel, da si me želi

nekaj tednov kasneje sem odšel od tam
stvari sem spakiral v torbo
potrkal na vrata očeta Valeryja
bil je zdolgočasen kot po navadi
njegova koža je bila bleda kot vedno
oblečen je bil v debelo črno uniformo
z belim ovratnikom ki je stiskal za vrat

zahvalil sem se mu za pomoč
in plačal stroške
bilo je 42 °C in v zraku je bila sopara
šel sem peš na železniško
na vlak
podzemno
avtobus